Sez Who?

by Barbara Petoskey

A play or movie makes it easy to identify the characters who are speaking. When you read the work, each speech is labeled by name, and in performance you see and hear the actor. Fiction poses a unique challenge because it lacks those cues of sight and sound. For your short story or novel, consider these techniques to ensure your reader doesn’t have to guess who’s talking. 

Tag, You’re It

Don’t overthink it. The simplest tool is the straightforward speaker tag. While he said or she said may appear monotonous on the page, these humble markers fade into oblivion as the reader focuses on what the characters are saying. For a two-person back and forth, you may need only an occasional reminder of whose turn it is to talk; if the two people are different genders, pronouns become even less conspicuous than names.

The nature of the conversation itself, such as explanation or interrogation, may also reduce the need for tags. At the extreme, Marc Connelly’s nine-page story, “Coroner’s Inquest,” uses no tags at all, because its question/answer format makes the distinction between speakers obvious.

The overzealous novice may be tempted to replace the white-noise said with flag-waving verbs that compound the issue.

"What have you done?" he gasped/hissed/snarled.

Such embellishment only distracts from what actually comes out of the characters’ mouths. If you feel the need for a dramatic tag such as she erupted, write inherently louder words instead.

To test for clarity, try reading a conversation through quickly, ignoring speaker tags. If two voices blur together, that’s a hint you need to make the characters more distinctive in their vocabulary, sentence structure, or attitude so they will have less need to wear “Hello, My Name Is…” labels.

Give ‘Em the Business

To break the pattern of speaker identification, you can also substitute an action for the tag, the equivalent of stage direction given to an actor. For example: 

"Get out." Jessica tightened her grip on the pistol.

That brief sentence identifies the speaker, suggests her tone of voice, and advances the plot. Not a bad day's work for seven words. 

Stage business can also help to develop character. Compare:

“I’m not going anywhere.” Bob locked the door and folded his arms across his chest.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Bob made a face and stuck out his tongue.

Bits of interspersed action are particularly useful in extended blocks of dialog or when more than two people are talking among themselves.

Two cautions: As you “direct” your characters, be careful not to overuse business until it expands into busyness, where the action begins to look like a round of the hokey-pokey. And as with the hissing and snarling above, don’t force any poor soul to do the physically impossible:

“I won’t be ready to leave for another fifteen minutes.” Ashley took the toothbrush out of her mouth.

Like a good film director, the storyteller using this tool also must be mindful of continuity, so a character doesn’t, say, hang up a coat twice or take another sip from a coffee cup she drained half a page earlier.

Name Calling

Obviously, use of a name in a two-person conversation identifies the speaker by default, but overuse of this trick is another tempting rookie mistake.

“What movie would you like to see, Dick?

“I don’t know, Jane. How about something with zombies?”

This unnatural name-calling tends to create a speed bump in the flow of your story. However, once again there are exceptions, such as when addressing another character by name conveys emphasis or emotion.

“Seriously, Don? You expect me to believe that hogwash?”

Nouns of direct address can perform a similar function, as in Rhett Butler’s classic line: 

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

Three’s a Crowd

Dialog involving multiple characters demands a more complicated juggling act. Again, distinctive language or the situation itself may provide speaker clues. For instance, if one person is clearly playing a dominant role in the exchange, perhaps by providing instruction or description, his or her dialog may stand out on its own, because of the content or the length of the speech blocks.

For everyone else or in balanced conversations, use said tags or business to identify characters as needed.

To keep readers’ attention focused on the story rather than on a distracting writing style, start by making characters individualized in what they say and how they say it. When necessary, employ simple tags, identify speakers by describing relevant actions, or use direct address when it enriches the statement.

Of course, a skilled writer can play with any rule. A famous example comes from writer Don Carpenter, who once gave a character who was a Hollywood agent this line:

"Hello," he lied.