Resting
by Noelle Sterne
When it comes to my writing life, I believe in positive affirmations, visualizations, and declarations: I write consistently; I write effortlessly; I’m in the flow; I get invitations to speak and teach; I write; I publish; I write; I publish.
All of these are good, fine, and necessary. They make me feel better. They renew my self-confidence as I picture perfect writing days, multiple invitations, successive book covers, and proliferating credits.
But sometimes I tire. I reach to grab and harness those affirmations from the galaxies, press them through the masses of gases, and pull them through the cloud covers, ozone layers, and down, down, a movie lens zooming in, to settle magically on my little corner office desk and keyboard, and transform my writing life. They often slip away, and yet I keep trying.
I want to forget all the affirmations and their twin targets – the endless miles of essays and stories to complete; novels to flesh out; unattainable word counts; ridiculous weekly, monthly, and yearly quotas; overstuffed schedules. Sometimes I just want to rest.
It’s not easy to step back, or to stop. We writers, with all our plans and projections and rejections and dejections, know this well.
A major difficulty, I think, lies in our mistrust of our time, talent, and energy. In our mad dreams of what defines success, we’ve got to get there. We constantly push toward it, think about it ceaselessly, scold ourselves for occasionally not thinking about it, or berate ourselves horribly for not already being there. We batter the gates of publication to ever-better names, recognition, and rewards.
Please don’t mistake me. Our plans, schedules, and quotas are all worthy, and nudge us toward our goals. It’s the breakneck quality and relentlessness I’m so weary of.
For me, it’s a victory to watch television without a pad and pen at my elbow, to go to the mall or a restaurant without a clipboard in my tote, to take a walk without a mini-notebook or my phone set to voice memo stuffed in my jeans back pocket.
When I manage not to do these things and instead attend to The Moment, I drink the ultimate tonic: priceless messages from that Voice inside. It tells me that all will be supplied at the right time, that all flowering and fruition will take place as they should. It tells me I don’t need to struggle but to relax and allow.
In an interview called “Non-attachment,” author Brian Mercer spoke with yoga studio owner, yoga teacher, meditator, and author Tracy Weber. With her first cozy mystery (about a yoga studio owner!), she had the kind of quick and phenomenal success we all dream about – an agent, quickly followed by a three-book deal. (At this writing, her sixth is out.)
Brian, a man after my own metaphysical heart, asked Tracy “how she sets her energy for success.” Her response, based on yogic teachings, was multifaceted and highly instructive. As with yoga, she said, success in writing comes from “persevering practice.” Brian summarized the principles and applied them to writing. You persevere and practice, over a long period, with energy and enthusiasm, without interruption, and, most importantly, without attachment to results (Brian’s emphasis).
That italicized phrase, of course, is the hardest part. It’s the essence of listening to the Voice and resting, antithetic to the repetitive and energetic nature of our (best) writing practice. But the meeting point may well be how we approach yoga and writing – we continue, yes, and do and do and do, yet with a sense of allowing and fluidity, a peace even.
So let us just rest. And trust, freeing ourselves from all the doing. We hear what’s next, renew, and without effort, leave it to our Self.
When I hear and obey, my muscles soften, my frown smoothes. I turn again to the piece before me, look it over, and smile. And I resume, unhurried and with confident joy.
Noelle Sterne, Ph.D., has published over 600 articles, stories, and poems in print and online venues. Her academic handbook assists beleaguered dissertation writers: Challenge in Writing Your Dissertation: Coping with the Emotional, Interpersonal, and Spiritual Struggles. In her spiritual self-help book Trust Your Life: Forgive Yourself and Go After Your Dreams, Noelle helps readers reach lifelong yearnings. She is completing her second novel.