Publishing a Novel About Agoraphobia During a Pandemic
By: Stephanie Harper
I did not set out to write any kind of pandemic novel. In fact, when I finished writing Wesley Yorstead Goes Outside in 2012, it was an MFA thesis project I hoped to publish. I eagerly began querying agents, and after 110 query letters, an agent said yes. I was thrilled. I did a major revision based on my agent’s excellent feedback, and we were ready to start submitting to publishers. I thought the hard part was over. Then, the real pitching began.
Months turned into years as the list of rejections grew. The feedback was always positive. The writing was solid. Nothing was inherently “wrong” with the manuscript. It seemed that Wesley just wasn’t quite what the editors were looking for. It began to feel as though my little book, the story I had created, the characters I had poured my heart and soul into, might never see the light of day.
I was so discouraged by the years-long process of waiting, submitting, and being rejected that I almost gave up. I thought about putting the manuscript away into the drawer at the back of my mind and pushing through to new projects. In 2017, I published my first poetry collection, called Sermon Series. I never imagined that my first published book would be poetry, but I was grateful that my deepening spiritual life had led to this opportunity.
Still, I had this novel that I so desperately wanted to share with the world. I believed in my story and my characters. I believed in myself. My agent had been steadfast through this entire process, submitting to every small publisher I suggested, as well as her own list. I started entering contests, submitting to independent publishers, doing anything I could think of to give Wesley Yorstead a chance to exist beyond my pages.
The email came in December of 2019. Propertius Press, an independent publisher out of Virginia, wanted to publish my book! It was finally happening, I could lay this story to rest, let it out into the world, and move onto something new. I threw myself into preparing for the upcoming editorial process and then, eventually, a book launch.
We were still finalizing the contract when reports of a rapidly spreading virus began to circulate. It was a matter of weeks before we were all plunged into a global pandemic and began the long, hard road of quarantine. For the first few months after things began to lock down, it was difficult to care about the release of my book. I was now working from home full time. My three teenage cousins with whom I live were doing fully online school. My retired parents were also at home. Our house suddenly felt very crowded.
Then, I found out that my book would be published in October of 2020. Now things were real and moving quickly. Because I was publishing through a small, non-profit publisher, I would be taking on almost all of the marketing and promotion myself. I felt confident that I could do a good job to promote the book and give it a solid launch. I was prepared. The only thing that was missing was my excitement.
I wanted to be excited. This was everything I had dreamed of. This was seven years of patience and perseverance, of believing in myself and my work. I should have been over the moon. But how was I supposed to focus on something like a book launch when people were suffering, when the death count was rising? It seemed futile, selfish even. I felt guilty and even worried how people would react, afraid I would be judged, that it would seem I wasn’t meeting the pandemic with the proper gravitas.
And how was I supposed to feel about launching this book in a world that didn’t look anything like what I thought it would? No launch event, no in-person readings. I had read all the books and blogs about marketing a book, how to leverage a successful event into sales, but none of those pearls of wisdom applied to our current reality.
Still, this was everything I wanted and had worked for. My book was finally going to be out in the world. How could I disregard that? What’s more, it felt valuable to be publishing a book about a man struggling with agoraphobia, a book about the very human struggle of fear and anxiety and how we can fight to overcome those feelings, how we can make our lives better.
I had to reach into myself for what I already knew was true. Our stories, our art, our creative capacity is what makes us the most human. It’s where we learn hope, joy, and empathy. I watched so many other artists and creatives finding ways to continue to use their gifts, to continue to give of themselves and put their work out there, and I realized I needed to do the same. I would not let the pandemic take this away from me. I had worked too hard to bring this book into the world. My story mattered.
I’ve always related to the old cliché: “fake it ‘til you make it.” I’ve applied it to so many aspects of my life, the idea that if we do and act like something will turn out the way we hope, that often it eventually does. For example, if I write like I believe in myself, eventually I do. Launching my book was sort of like this. I put a launch calendar together, I started sending out press releases and booking virtual events, and eventually I released my book out into the world.
And the most amazing thing happened. People read it and supported me and my work. I’ve never felt so loved. I realized that there was nothing wrong or short-sighted about celebrating this accomplishment in the midst of a pandemic. I desperately needed something to be excited about, and others did too. More than that, I heard over and over again from readers that somehow my book, written years ago with no Covid-19 in sight, was relatable, comforting even, in this pandemic time. People told me they could relate to Wesley’s illness, to the restrictions and the loneliness of isolation, and that they found hope in the way Wesley’s character developed.
None of how Wesley Yorstead Goes Outside entered the world was what I expected, was how I thought it would be. Not just the pandemic part, all of it. And yet, my book launched and provided solace to people in a way I could have never imagined. I don’t know how readers would have responded to the story of Wesley if my book would have published prior to the pandemic. It’s pointless to dwell on it. What I do know is that this book has given me so much, and I am so humbled by the notion that it has given something to someone else during these unprecedented times.
Above all else, I am reminded every day that sharing our stories is good and essential, and it’s always the right time to let ourselves and our work thrive.
Stephanie Harper is the author of Wesley Yorstead Goes Outside (Propertius Press, 2020), as well as a poetry collection entitled Sermon Series (Finishing Line Press, 2017). She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Fairfield University. She’s written personal essays and articles for many publications online and in print. She currently lives in Littleton, CO.