Personal Stories

I will sometimes hear people say, “You don’t know what’s it like to be me.” They’re right, in a way; to really know what’s it like to be another person, I’d have to live their life. Though, whenever we talk about how unknowable we are to another, we’re almost always referring to how we’ve suffered. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say, “You would never be able to understand just how fantastic my life is.”

It’s not surprising, really. When I write stories about my own life, I usually choose moments of conflict and confusion – times, in fact, where I’ve suffered. As a rule, the more I suffered, the better the story. Strangely, the challenge is often showing the reader why I suffered. It’s not enough to say I stubbed my pinky toe, nor that the pain was sharp, nor that it hurt to put my sock on.

The real trouble was me wondering why it kept hurting through the day, and wondering if something was really wrong, and taking the sock off that night and seeing it had turned a gangrenous black, and thinking, for just a moment, that it would soon fall off. Even that might not be enough. For someone to understand how I’d suffered, I might need to write about why I felt my toe falling off would be a problem. It is just a toe, after all. I have nine others.

Storytelling has reminded me how personal my suffering truly is. The art is making these experiences relatable to another. Fear is fear and doubt is doubt, but my fear and doubt are indeed unique to me because the root of all suffering is thought. My problem is never what has happened, but always what I thought about what happened. There is nothing more private and personal and unknowable than my thoughts – unless, of course, I share them.

One of the nice things about stories is that they end. The stories I like are the ones that end when the problem is resolved. There, for a moment, is life trouble-free, life at its most generous and available, without all my strange notions of bad fortune and doom. There is something everyone should have and know, something that belongs equally to all of us if we can but see it.

If you like the ideas and perspectives expressed here, feel free to contact me about individual coaching and group workshops.

Fearless Writing: How to Create Boldly and Write With Confidence.
You can find William at: williamkenower.com