There I Am

Writing is a kind of journey, though an unusual one as it’s like I’m following breadcrumbs I both lay down and find at the same time. Ideally, the story is both surprising and known, a process of forgetting and remembering that repeats itself until my work day is done. It’s a lot like meditation in that way, another practice I enjoy, though for slightly different reasons. Meditation reminds me that I don’t have to be doing anything to exist. Apparently, I need reminding of that.

Because when I’m done writing, I like to play a game, or go somewhere, or talk to someone, or exercise. I want to interact with someone or something, to navigate the world outside of my mind, whether it’s a road I’m driving down, or a person I’m talking to. There I am! Out there, running into things, reacting, using this body of mine. There I am, in the mirror and at the piano. There I am, seeing and being seen.

It’s fun, but the world can begin to seem like a great chess board, and me a piece on it. A piece who is a pawn one moment and a king the next. A piece looking for the right move, though uncertain of what constitutes winning. It’s a crummy way of being, as the world divides into allies and enemies, into winners and losers, haves and have-nots. Happiness and peace come in crumb-sized portions, something else to want and grab, remnants of a meal I’d smelled but never tasted.

So much to forget. Back I go to my desk, alone but not lonely, present and waiting. Of all the things I can do, writing looks and feels the least like doing. So much waiting and listening. I like putting the actual words on the page, but often the waiting and listening are the most satisfying part. There I am, in the stillness as alive as a circus tent, in the empty space into which the thoughts will come. I will follow them when they arrive, but I remain what is before and after that new road is traveled, a thing complete and ever growing.

If you like the ideas and perspectives expressed here, feel free to contact me about individual coaching and group workshops.

Fearless Writing: How to Create Boldly and Write With Confidence.
You can find William at: williamkenower.com