You Deserve It

Have ever you noticed when you’re talking to someone how aware you are that what you choose to say to that person is a product of who that person is? In other words, if you criticize someone, you are criticizing him, and if you praise someone you are praising him. And so if you criticize someone you might say he deserved the criticism, and if you praise someone you might say he deserved to be praised.

In this way, when you’re talking, you are aware that the person to whom you are speaking is responsible not just for what he says but also for what you say, for you have chosen words specifically for him. Each conversation is a unique result of the intersection of two people, a conversation that could not and would not be duplicated precisely by any other two people.

And yet, how often when we are criticized do we say, “I don’t deserve that!” How often when we are criticized do we feel attacked, as if we are victims of some verbal stone hurled our way at random, as if we somehow played no part in what was said to us.

Isn’t it possible that we deserve everything we hear, even the worst and cruelest insults? Isn’t it possible we even deserve to hear someone say, “You’re talentless, you’re stupid, and you’re boring”? Why would we deserve to hear this? Because it is the truth, and it is just the jolt we need to finally give up our dreams, or read the New York Times, or start telling more interesting stories?

Doubtful. But perhaps, in hearing these words spoken aloud and not just in the quiet and claustrophobic confines of our own mind, perhaps actually hearing them we will finally be compelled to say aloud, to say in our own voice what we have been longing to hear: “I am not talentless, I am not stupid, and I am not boring.” You would certainly deserve that.

If you like the ideas and perspectives expressed here, feel free to contact me about individual coaching and group workshops.

Fearless Writing: How to Create Boldly and Write With Confidence.
You can find William at: williamkenower.com