Hard Work

I made a living waiting tables for twenty years, but it was never easy. Though, it was always easy to find work as a waiter. Every city has restaurants, and some of those restaurants are always looking for help because waiters come and go like the seasons. It was why I started waiting tables in the first place, knowing I’d always have a job where I could make enough to live comfortably.

Also, the hours were quite good. Most nights, I was in at five and out by around ten, and if I worked thirty hours in a week that was a lot. That left plenty of time to write, and see my wife and boys, and go for runs, and do errands, and just goof around if I so desired. I’d hear of people working fifty, sixty, or seventy hours a week, and I couldn’t imagine how those people felt like they were actually living, not just toiling away until their days on earth were exhausted.

And the work itself wasn’t particularly hard. Sometimes you were slammed, as we’d say. Your section would fill up all at once, and for an hour you always had three things that needed doing at the same time. That could be stressful, but you learned how to let that stress go, to focus only on the next thing and the next thing and the next thing, and before long you were dropping your last check and everything was fine.

But waiting tables was never easy for me. I’d get in my car before or after my shift and wonder, “Why am I still doing this? Why haven’t I sold anything? What’s wrong with me?” I could never answer those questions, but they lived unanswered in my heart, following me home, waking me up at night, making my life harder, and harder, and harder. There is nothing in the world harder than doubting yourself, seeing the state of your life as evidence of your unworthiness. It’s as if you’re not equipped for the job of being you, and yet your shift goes on and on and on, waiting for you to see that all your suffering and joy was in service to you.

If you like the ideas and perspectives expressed here, feel free to contact me about individual coaching and group workshops.

Fearless Writing: How to Create Boldly and Write With Confidence.
You can find William at: williamkenower.com