Something Better

I have written frequently here about how I spent many years writing fiction before switching to narrative non-fiction, which is what I write now. It was a very instructive experience for me, pursuing something creatively that was an okay fit but not a perfect fit. There is nothing like spending twenty or so years trying to squeeze yourself into a pair of eleven-and-a-half shoes to teach you unambiguously that you are in fact a size twelve.

However, unlike shoes, it is more than a lack of discomfort that told me I’d be happier writing personal essays and memoir than novels. When I sat down to write the first of these essays, I knew for myself, internally, what a “good” essay should be. I knew this despite having read very few of them. At the time, I made very little of this internal knowing; I was just glad that I felt like I knew what I was doing, that I was aiming for a target I could see rather than one floating out in the darkness just beyond my sight, as I had felt while writing fiction.

And by the way, fiction was what I had been reading. In retrospect, I was imitating the novels I had once liked more than writing the novel I would now want to read. I had a good ear, and I had developed plenty of skill, and so those novels I wrote were okay. But okay is a low bar for a story and a life experience. It beats miserable, but you can start hating okay eventually, especially when you know there’s something better if you could just find it.

I understand now how irreplaceable that internal knowing is. It is an unerring and faithful guide, one that cannot be supplanted with books or lessons. I am also certain that everyone has this knowing about something. I know it can often seem not to be the case, that I see or meet people who seem lost and adrift, who seem desperately in need of guidance and clarity, but these are people just like me: souls in search of something they have always had, believing even in their unhappiness there is something better waiting for them.

If you like the ideas and perspectives expressed here, feel free to contact me about individual coaching and group workshops.

Fearless Writing: How to Create Boldly and Write With Confidence.
You can find William at: williamkenower.com