Selfish

Sometimes the hardest thing for a writer to do is simply go into a room, close the door, and not think about her loved ones for an hour our two. Being alone in this way, focusing all her attention on the story she wants to tell, requires her to forget about the rest of her life, about her job and chores and bills and also the people she loves. She must accept and admit that for this time her story is the most important thing to her, and sometimes this leaves her feeling selfish.

She is usually the sort of person no one would describe as selfish. She’ll drive her kids to the mall, cook and serve the dinner, listen to a friends’ fears and plans, write the thank you note, wrap the presents, volunteer, babysit for a neighbor. She’s not like those people whose entire focus seems to be their work, their troubles, their joys, people who never clean up or show up or help out because they’re always too busy doing their thing. She’s a very nice person, but these kinds of people bug her. Everything is always about them.

The truth is, of course, that if she or any of us stopped cooking the dinners or picking the kids up or volunteering, the world would keep spinning. Someone else would do it. Someone else would do it because at the end of the day people like doing things because doing things, in particular caring for other people, provides us a meaningful focus for our creative, loving energy. It’s nice to feel that energy within us, but it’s even better when we channel it outward, share it any way we can with the world.

Which is why writing is not any more selfish than anything we’ve ever done. Our whole lives have been for us. We cared for the kids for us; we volunteered for us; we even did the dishes for us. It may not have always seemed so, but it was. Everything we’ve ever done is for us. The stories we write alone in our room are just another place to direct that attention. When we do, perhaps we can forgive those people we called selfish, who were only seeking exactly what we wanted and what we can only find within ourselves.

If you like the ideas and perspectives expressed here, feel free to contact me about individual coaching and group workshops.

Everyone Has What It Takes: A Writer’s Guide to the End of Self-Doubt
You can find William at: williamkenower.com