Friendly Stories

I was in Los Angeles this weekend and had the good fortune to spend time with my old friend Chris who is, among other things, a writer. I’ve known Chris for over forty years, though when I first met him, he was certain he was going to be an actor. The writing came some twenty years later, when he wasn’t getting any roles, and so much of his creative focus was trained on success and failure, and he needed to do something, as he said, “just for him.” Turns out, other people really liked what he was writing just for him, and so this new part of his life began.

My first memory of Chris, interestingly, was of him telling me a story over the busy hum of the Hope High School cafeteria. I’ve always loved a good story, and when Chris finished that little anecdote, it was like I’d discovered an author I knew I’d want to read again. I doubt he knew why he shared his short tale that day, whether it was for him or to win me over or to fill the time. We were kids, and were doing what came naturally or what we’d been told to do. Stories came naturally to Chris.

We certainly aren’t kids anymore, and over dinner we found ourselves talking about the complications of romantic relationships, about our desire for both privacy and intimacy, about the negotiations and concessions, the arguments and misunderstandings. Sometimes, being alone is so much simpler, when the only question you need to answer is, “What do I want most right now?” How nice not to worry about someone else’s needs, or what would please or displease another.

But we also told each other stories. A story needs an author and an audience, and each of us were both that evening. A story is the only way to share an experience. Not what happened – you can’t share that. The thing that happened is over and will never happen again. Rather, it’s how you felt, what came alive in you as you lived that experience. This is what we want, need, desire, and love to share. This we do for ourselves and for another simultaneously. In the telling we have it and we give it away, and in this exchange, life is as friendly as it can possibly be.

If you like the ideas and perspectives expressed here, feel free to contact me about individual coaching and group workshops.

Everyone Has What It Takes: A Writer’s Guide to the End of Self-Doubt
You can find William at: williamkenower.com