Finding Balance

I recently served as a kind of MC at the PNWA’s yearly conference, helping to introduce the agents and editors to the attendees. As I stood at the podium, listening to each one publishing professionals describe what they like, and what they represent, and what they’re really eager to sell, I thought of two things. First, I recalled attending this very conference years ago, before I had published any books, when I still thought I wanted to be a novelist, and when still I saw these men and women as the gatekeepers to my success – which, in my mind, also meant my very life.

Though maybe recall isn’t the right word. It was more like a mild PTSD flashback. In those days, my future always seemed to reside in other people’s hands and minds. It was a terrible way to live, but I didn’t perceive any alternative. I thought this was reality. I thought I was learning the business. Someday, this would change. Someday, my life would be mine, and would once again flow only from my mind and heart.

My second thought, which was most likely preceded the first, was of my current project. I love this book, but it’s a little different from what I’ve published, and a little different still from anything I’ve read recently. It was also quite different from the kinds of books the agents and editors said they were interested in reading. All at once, I experienced that familiar vertigo that comes when I look to others to tell me the value of my work.

Fortunately, I have a learned a thing or two since those early days at this conference. When you want to find your balance again, you have to direct your attention down, following a straight, unwavering line from the top of your head to your toes. I must do the same the moment I start listening too hungrily to what other people want, believing their desires and preferences somehow define what is universally desirable and preferred. My attention belongs with that story, which resides where I alone can see it, a seed growing at the center of my mind and heart.

If you like the ideas and perspectives expressed here, feel free to contact me about individual coaching and group workshops.

Everyone Has What It Takes: A Writer’s Guide to the End of Self-Doubt
You can find William at: williamkenower.com