No Argument

Many years ago, I had an idea for an essay about the relationship between the concept of the Garden of Eden and creativity. It was the first time I had written anything – even privately, for I had no notion at that point of sharing this piece – about spirituality or God, and I was keenly aware of the many strong and entirely contradictory opinions people held about this subject. Too aware, it turns out. The essay quickly became a kind of argument with the point of view that opposed the one I was interested in sharing. I was two pages in when I noticed my shoulders were hunched and tensed, as if I were bracing for a punch, or preparing to deliver one.

What’s more, I was so busy defending what I believed that I never got to explore it. I couldn’t do that until I had made the other person wrong. It was as if I wanted to write a cozy mystery but first had to prove to the readers of gritty suspense that my story was just as good as the ones they enjoyed. I will never win that argument because no one ever wins any argument except in their imagination.

Stories and essays and, for that matter, conversation itself, are not about winning. Life is not about winning. Life and stories are only about sharing. I understand in theory why public debate seems “healthy,” and while I don’t think it’s unhealthy, if the point is trying to prove that you’re right and the other fellow is wrong it will be unproductive. I know that sometimes we argue because the other person believes something we think is insane, and we are certain that this insane belief is causing them nothing but pain and if they would just listen to us they wouldn’t be suffering so.

We may be right about our friend’s insane belief, but suffering has always been my greatest teacher. Sometimes we just have to sit around believing life is unfair and no one loves us, and then live with all the misery that thought immediately engenders, to fully understand how insane and pointless that belief is. I like to tell stories that point myself and my readers away from all the pain we invite into our life, toward a friendly world where everyone ultimately knows what’s best for themselves. I tell them because I like to hear them, and I like to hear them because they always feel like the truth – something so easy and effortless and natural I couldn’t ever want to argue with it.

If you like the ideas and perspectives expressed here, feel free to contact me about individual coaching and group workshops.

Everyone Has What It Takes: A Writer’s Guide to the End of Self-Doubt
You can find William at: williamkenower.com