Measuring Your Worth

I had just published my essay collection Write Within Yourself with a small publisher with whom I liked working. I loved the book. I loved putting it together, choosing each essay, the order in which they’d appear, and how every piece was a reminder in one way or another that each of us has within us what we need to create what we most want to create. It was just the sort of book I would have been happy to find in a bookstore. Now, thanks to this publisher and Amazon, many lucky readers could have just that experience.

Unfortunately, I didn’t fully grasp the relationship between book sales and book promotion. Or, I should say, I had thought other people, already fans of my work, would be so happy the book existed, that they would do this promotion for me, spreading the word through their social network. This did not happen. Two weeks after the publication date, I decided to check Amazon to see how it was doing. What I saw was apocalyptically puny. It was as if the book didn’t exist at all, or at best was floating out in a literal cyber space, lost in that vast sea of websites and blogs and millions of other titles.

I staggered out of my office and found my wife in the living room. I began describing what I’d read, as if the sales report were a terminal diagnosis from my doctor. “Those numbers,” I said, “do not reflect the value of that book!” As I spoke, to my surprise and mild embarrassment, I began to cry. It was like my words were a needle with which I’d pricked some balloon swollen with stored pain. It was, I had to admit, good to get it out.

And I was right. The numbers didn’t reflect the book’s value, but they did reflect the amount of time and creativity I’d spent letting people know it existed. I had a lot to learn – about publishers, about promotion, about the Internet and writing conferences and websites and podcasts – but that day in my own living room I’d said the words that I’d repeat to myself through the many dark and confusing hours to come. Where would I look for value? Would it be in likes and sales and Amazon reviews, or where the work itself came from, where all the constellation of ideas to which I’m drawn shine.

Check out Fearless Writing with Bill Kenower on YouTube or your favorite podcast app.

Everyone Has What It Takes: A Writer’s Guide to the End of Self-Doubt
You can find William at: williamkenower.com