A Kind Rejection

My agent had sent out the proposal for Fearless Writing to six publishers, and we both felt very good about its chances. But when the first rejection came back on a Friday, I felt a familiar hopeless gloom begin to overtake me. I’d been down this road so many times that I’d started believing it would be the only one I’d ever travel. However, I had learned a few things recently, so I decided to ask myself what seemed like an obvious question: Do you want to publish this?

I immediately thought, “No. I have to publish it.”

I had to publish it or I was a failure, or I couldn’t call myself a real writer. Having to do something is very different than wanting to do something. I don’t like having to do anything, even publish a book I very much believed in. Well, I thought, why would you like to publish it? Why would that be fun? I thought of the editors I’d worked with recently and how much I enjoyed that experience, collaborating with someone who seemed to care about my work as much as I did. I’d definitely like that, I decided. That would be cool.

That Monday, my agent called to tell me Writer’s Digest Books loved the proposal.

I can’t prove that my little mental exercise over the weekend was what allowed the publisher to accept the book, but it sure seemed like it. I was ready for it to be published, and it was. It’s been my experience that with just a few exceptions, everyone always agrees with me. Not with my opinions, but with how I see myself and my work. No one can accept something I have not fully accepted myself, love something I wrote if I don’t love it. It’s maddening at times, but it’s how it works.

There are those people, of course, who love us and know us well and who make a point not to agree with us sometimes. They tell us they believe in us when we can’t believe in ourselves. I have often done this with my friends and family. Learning how to do so takes practice. It’s a kind of rejection. You’re rejecting their story about themselves and their value, about their future, and replacing it with your own. One day, you hope, they will have a story you can agree with, but in the meantime, you keep telling the one you want, the only one anyone wants to hear.

If you like the ideas and perspectives expressed here, feel free to contact me about individual coaching and group workshops.

Everyone Has What It Takes: A Writer’s Guide to the End of Self-Doubt
You can find William at: williamkenower.com