The Practice

Last week I watched John Mulaney’s latest standup special in which he talks about his return to addiction, an intervention by his friends, and his stay in rehab. Mulaney is not what I would consider a confessional comedian, but the nature of the material called for a certain amount of self-reflection. He began the special talking about his need for attention, and in the middle admitted that for most of his life he cared about what people thought about him more than just about anything else.

That detail served as excellent context for an extended bit about how no one at the rehab center knew who he was. He kept expecting someone, anyone, to recognize him. It didn’t happen. I found myself wondering if his anonymity amongst the other addicts was as useful as the therapy, medication, and treatments. It certainly must have helped. They took all his drugs away when he checked in, but the most addictive drug of all may have been fame and recognition. Good to know you can live without it.

I happened to have written a book about how artists must forget to care what anyone thinks of their work -and, by extension, the artists themselves. This was a lesson, rest assured, I came to through experience. It was not lost on me that Mulaney described his addiction to other people’s opinion of him while standing on stage in a large theater in Boston filled to capacity with appreciative fans. He has been listening to laughter and applause for most of his adult life, has been lauded and awarded. Does it matter? Does it sooth that craving once and for all? Of course not.

He claimed at the end of the special that he no longer cared what people thought about him. I hope this is true. In my experience, however, keeping my attention where it belongs is a lifelong practice. If there were a part of my brain responsible for wanting everyone to adore me and my work, I’d have a doctor carve it out tomorrow. In lieu of that there is the practice of loving what I write only because I love it, and of loving others without them loving me first.

If you like the ideas and perspectives expressed here, feel free to contact me about individual coaching and group workshops.

Everyone Has What It Takes: A Writer’s Guide to the End of Self-Doubt
You can find William at: williamkenower.com