The Better Choice

 When choosing a story I’m going to tell or write, I often begin with a single moment that lights up in my memory. Sometimes the reason it lights up is quite obvious, like when I thought my son my might have leukemia but it turned out he’d only been giving himself hickeys. Often, however, the reason is less clear. All I know is something happened that surprised me, or moved me, or delighted or frightened me. I’ll write the story to find out why.

This means I’m going to be surprised in some way by what I’m writing. This is just fine – is the goal really. Surprise mean discovery, and that’s the very reason I write. However, sometimes I’m halfway through a story when I see that the reason a moment lit up is because of how it had pleased my ego. Such events usually involve me being praised or recognized. Why I couldn’t see it coming, I don’t know. All I do know is that without some adjustments, the story will fall flat. My ego, like all egos, is boring and shallow.

Fortunately, there is always more than one reality operating at one time. Take applause, for instance. My ego loves it. “Listen to them cheering me!” he thinks. “Finally, a little recognition for my greatness.” It’s not pretty, but there it is. Yet if you really listen to applause, whether you’re on stage in the seats, you can sense something that’s about everyone present. It’s like a celebration of life itself, not just the one person who was funny or interesting. The ego’s experience of that moment shuts you off from other people; the other experience, the soul’s experience, opens you. One is lonely, the other is loved.

I always get to choose which experience I’ll have, just like I get to choose which story I’m going to tell. First, however, I have to get over any embarrassment I might be carrying for having listened to that craven little fellow. The nice thing about the ego is how forgettable he is. Once I make the better choice, once I feel the its fullness and peace, the other story fades as quickly in my memory as a line that’s been deleted from the page.

Check out Fearless Writing with Bill Kenower on YouTube or your favorite podcast app.

Everyone Has What It Takes: A Writer’s Guide to the End of Self-Doubt
You can find William at: williamkenower.com