The Math of Love

The first thing I want to do when I find a book or song or movie I really like is tell someone else about it. It’s the best kind of sharing, where I give something but am lacking nothing in the exchange. If I loaned you my guitar, I wouldn’t have a guitar until you brought it back. It would be nice to know you enjoyed playing it, but I would certainly miss playing it myself. This kind of sharing can leave me feeling a little greedy, like there isn’t enough good stuff in the world to go around. Life can start looking like a parking lot with more cars than spaces.

When I’m greedy, I withhold, wary of others and what they might want that I have. These other people are not my friends, just my competitors. Some of us will win, and some of us will lose, and those who are unlucky or unskilled or unprepared are left holding an empty bag or the shortest stick. Their life will be a little less than the winners, but so it goes when there’s not enough to go around. We didn’t make the rules, we just struggle and grasp within their unforgiving limits.

On the other hand, sharing an experience, specifically good experiences, feels like exhaling. All that withholding is suffocating. The good I’ve known, like my breath, is meant to go out. In that moment of sharing, I want for another what I’ve had for myself, and the competition is over. What a relief. Joy begets joy, and don’t we all want more of that.

Of course, it’s always a little disappointing and confusing when your offer is refused. You mention the movie and your friend never watches it. Or you publish a book, and fret about everyone who hasn’t bought it. Try not to despair. You haven’t lost anything. Such is the math of love. What you gained from joy belongs to you forever, and merely the awareness that is also available to others is enough to let you keep breathing even when you feel alone.

Check out Fearless Writing with Bill Kenower on YouTube or your favorite podcast app.

Everyone Has What It Takes: A Writer’s Guide to the End of Self-Doubt
You can find William at: williamkenower.com