The Power of Asking
By Joshua Pantalleresco
It was the day of the Aurora Awards in Vancouver, and Spider Robinson, science fiction grandmaster and author of The Callihan Series, was at the front desk of the hotel where the convention was taking place, asking directions on how to get to Granville. Seeing him there, I had a window of opportunity. I do a podcast called Just Joshing in which I interview authors and other creative people, and here was a living legend in front of me. I looked at myself in the mirror and shrugged, “The worst he can say is no.” I asked Spider Robinson to come on my show. Not only did I get a yes, but he gave me his email and his phone number so I could contact him.
Our conversation was epic. Spider is a man who has lived a very magical life, and it was inspiring listening to him talk about the White House, completing that Robert Heinlein manuscript, and mourning his wife Jeanne. In that conversation, I got a glimpse of the man behind the legend, and I’ll never forget it for as long as I live.
A lot of my success has come from asking. Whether I ask a guest to come on my show, or submit a pitch to an editor, or request a meeting with an agent, there is power with coming out there and asking for what you want. It's something I realize that neither writers nor editors do enough of. Why don't we? When I ask fellow creatives about this, eyes look downward and people get nervous when they answer me. Rejection is a difficult pill to swallow with even the simplest requests.
But in a world filled with so much talent, it's the people that make noise who often get noticed. Asking for things is a very non-aggressive way to bring attention to yourself, and at the very least, letting your voice be heard. The skill of asking for what you want is nearly as important as putting words on the page.
Asking in itself is not enough. Much like storytelling, how you ask will go a long way toward securing the results you want.
Be Direct
Probably the most blatant way to ask for things is pitching. I send emails out to editors all the time asking to tell stories on various platforms. I could describe how I do pitches, but really, my secret is to be very direct. I pitched this article about asking because I realize authors, editors, and even agents have connections they don't use. I was very direct with what I offered, and here I am, writing this article.
When you do ask, be confident in what you want. People appreciate authenticity, openness, and just knowing where you stand. It's refreshing and perhaps most importantly, saves time.
Be Humble
Recently, I had Stephanie Phillips, writer of DC Comics Harley Quinn, as a guest on my podcast. The way I asked her, I believe, played a role in her saying yes. I tweeted the following to her: “Am I cool enough to interview you on my podcast?”
It was playful, but also humble. Without saying it, I acknowledged Stephanie's credentials, and managed to sound like a human being, without appearing that I wanted something from her. Even if she had said no, the approach was lighthearted enough that I hoped she was assured she could respond without worrying about hurting my feelings. Never make someone feel any pressure to respond. That's almost a guarantee you'll get a no, and also a guarantee that you'll never get another chance.
Be Willing To Learn
My first attempt to get an agent was at When Words Collide four years ago. I met an agent by chance as I was talking to a mutual friend of the agent and myself. She happened to come along and they started talking. I was still in the conversation, and seeing an opportunity to introduce myself, I thought about how best to do so. Putting in a cold call to look at my manuscript seemed foolish. At a writer's conference there are a lot of people demanding an agent's eyes on their work in progress. I decided to go another route. I asked for help. I asked them questions about what they look for in a pitch and what advice she could give me in order to make my pitches better.
By asking her for help, I took the opportunity to establish a relationship with the agent. I got to ask questions, I got to get to know her a little bit, and down the road, it did lead to a meeting. That said, while I hoped for it, I didn't expect it. I was grateful for the time they took to help me, and still am. I still consider that agent a friend, and I learned a lot from the experience.
It Never Hurts
One very common thread about this whole process was that none of these meetings or chances came upon me through any planning. Much like all things in life, opportunities rarely announce themselves. If I have any skill, it’s that I recognize opportunities when I see them. Spider Robinson, the agent, and even this article are opportunities I found for myself.
That said, even with these success stories, there is a lot of failure checkered in between them. I’ve asked for a lot of things, and I have received a lot of turn-downs. No matter how you ask, or how good your product is, you're still going to get a lot of Nos. No is a part of the writing business.
While rejection is a big part of the business, relationships are too. How you handle the turn-downs in this business will determine how far you really go. Saying a thank you, even to the rejections, goes a very long way in itself. Many people react badly to a rejection, but even the no is a good thing. You know where you stand.
And then you can continue asking away. Even with the nos you get along the way, doors will open that you never anticipate. We're people at the end of the day. We connect, we communicate. Taking a moment to say “Here I am, can I offer this to you?” goes a long way in any walk of life, so never be afraid to ask. You might get exactly what you’re hoping for.
Joshua Pantalleresco writes articles, fiction, and poetry. His release Alice Zero is nominated for the 2021 Elgin Award. He also freelances, writing for places such as Writers Weekly, Anime Herald, First Comics News, and more. He is also a podcaster. His show Just Joshing is heard by hundreds a week and thousands a month around the world. You can find him reading books and chasing (and sometimes catching) women. He lives in Canada.