Writing While Parenting

By Sarah Fallon

When I became pregnant, I decided I wouldn’t worry about trying to write for the first three months after the baby was born. It’s not called the fourth trimester for nothing. It was a smart choice, but as most writers know the itch to create doesn’t listen to reason. Despite the constant and overwhelming demands on my time and mental faculties, I was longing to write well before the three months was up. But how?

Writing without kids is pretty straight forward. Sure, you may have a demanding job and hectic social life, but you carve out time in logical fashion. Wake up an hour earlier. Stay up and hour later. Cut down on TV time or say no to social events on a certain day. Kids aren’t so straight forward. You set your alarm for six and they wake up at five. It’s like they know. You need to be prepared for distraction and disruption at any moment. You can’t even mute your phone, because that annoying phone call might be day-care telling you that your kid has gastro… again.

My son is just over two years old and in that period my writing routine has changed several times, sometimes within the one week. I have had to become extremely flexible and, the hardest part, I’ve had to be ok with that. I’ve had to accept that writing the same number of words at the same time, in the same place, wearing the same silly writers hat, is just not realistic.

And it’s also not necessary. Not to being successful and not to being a writer. Regularity may work for some people, but it doesn’t work for everyone, particularly parents. And it’s just another reason to feel guilty, which is certainly something parents can live without.

Aside from the occasional tapping on my phone while breastfeeding, the first time I really wrote after having a child was when my mother was visiting. My son was around two months old. I had paid for a picture book manuscript assessment months prior and it was sitting gathering dust. When my son fell asleep in his bassinet, I wasted no time. I grabbed my laptop and dove into a revision. It was a quick project that I had ample time to complete as my son was napping well at that point. However, in that early stage of parenting, I needed the mental freedom that having my mother in the house gave me, in order to shift from parent mode to writer mode.

A few months later I felt able to switch to writer mode when my son slept. When he was between six and nine months old, I could set my alarm and get up at least an hour before he did (most days). This was sacred time and the only instance in the last few years I set a word goal. It was 300 words. Once I reached 300 words, I would finish my sentence and stop, even if I knew what came next. Stopping regardless meant I knew what I was going to write the next day and could help me get off to a flying start. It also meant I could use the rest of my sacred time to read or watch Netflix or do something else just for me. Or, if my son did wake early, I was less likely to be interrupted. I wrote an 8,000 word draft of a children’s chapter book and a parenting article, which was subsequently published. I didn’t write every day and some days it was like pulling teeth, but for those three months this is what worked for me.

For the next year I wrote sporadically. Sometimes I wrote nothing at all and sometimes I was prolific, churning out multiple short stories in a week. Down time is ok. You won’t forget how to write. You will write again, and you’ll be just as good or better than you were the last time.

Ultimately becoming a mom actually helped my writing. It helped me appreciate and take full advantage of any time I could get and the last two years of being a new parent have been some of my most productive. The tips and tricks that help me write while parenting are simple. Be flexible, write when the urge and opportunity present themselves (don’t waste time looking for the silly writer’s hat), set small goals for easy wins and, above all, be kind to yourself.

These strategies aren’t exclusive to parents either. Learning to write in the cracks of life can be helpful to most people, with all the varied work and personal lives we have. Between shifts, while on public transport or waiting for an appointment, you name it. If you make a habit of being prepared to write at any moment, the words come regardless of routine. Being able to achieve a small goal, such as 300 words or less, whenever the opportunity arrives sets you up for success and provides much needed encouragement to keep going. And we all need to go a little easy on ourselves, especially in recent years. If the expectation, from yourself or others, to meet and unrealistic goal set within a rigid routine is only filling you with angst, you need to chuck that routine in the bin. Stress and guilt do not make for a good writing mindset. 

Writing is hard. Parenting is hard. You’re doing great.

Sarah Fallon is a writer, living in the Illawarra, NSW. She writes on topics from fairy tales to farming as well as short fiction. She has been published in Overland, Aurealis and Mindful Parentingand Parenting and won the Thunderbolt Prize for Crime Fiction in 2017. When she isn’t reading, writing or parenting, she can be found on her partner’s dairy farm or making a mess with paint and paper. www.sarahfallon.net