Growing Self-Assurance
By Erika Hoffman
A grandson of mine is in kindergarten. The assignment in class was to draw a picture of your secret superpower. Kids drew pictures of themselves kicking soccer balls, playing musical instruments, or dancing. My grandson drew a picture of a red-headed boy in the middle of a line of kids where he held the hand of one on each side of him who held the hand of the next and so on. When my son asked his boy Harrison what his picture meant, my redheaded grandson replied, “Dad, my superpower is I make friends with everyone.”
I said to my own kid, “True. Anywhere we go, Harrison will try to make friends.” My son nodded in agreement. And I added, “You know what’s great? That kid of yours already knows himself.”
I began thinking about when I discovered who I was. It certainly wasn’t in kindergarten. Not sure if it was even in college, working, or having my own children. Much later. Maybe about 15 years ago? Fifteen years ago, I began writing.
You achieve a certain dollop of self-assurance when you put pen to paper to record your musings on whatever you’re pondering about at a particular moment of a particular day. You learn what you really think about a subject when you write it down and later read it. Besides making your monkey brain settle down instead of jumping from branch to branch in a helter-skelter mode, you also receive a noticeable bolt of self-esteem by seeing your thoughts on paper.
Right there.
Staring back at you.
Undeniable.
This sorting of my random ideas gives me feedback. I feel better about my thought process when I see it in black and white; then I stop playing tag with my feelings.
Self-confidence comes from achievement, you argue. You might think that merely scribbling down your thoughts in a diary wouldn’t boost your self-love the way earning a trophy, getting a promotion, or a round of applause does. You’d be wrong. Figuring out what’s important to you helps you understand yourself and your life and why you do what you do and why you want to be with folks whom you want to be with, as well as knowing what activities or goals you wish to pursue. Every life needs planning. Before outlining what you hope to complete each day, it’s good to contemplate and mark down what you feel. What pleases? What bothers? What to seek out? What to avoid? Know yourself. Friends and family may offer great suggestions and serve as a sounding board, but you need to know what makes your clock tick before you formulate your modus operandi.
Just as coffee perks you up and solving a Wordle in three tries gets your day off to a good start, likewise does a quick summary of how you feel and why you think you feel that way.
Problems that haunt your days soften by merely naming them. In time, you’ll conjecture how do deal with them. Make yourself your best friend. Take time to understand yourself—your anxieties, your beliefs, your strengths, your weaknesses, your pleasures, your dislikes.
My suggestion to accomplish that is to write down what you’re feeling. Read it later that day or days later. Things may have drastically changed. What has definitely altered is— you. If you can understand yourself, you’ll be happier, and folks interacting with you will see that you are happy with yourself. It’s a win.
I’m no psychologist and have never been to a psychologist, but I’m a writer, and I’ve discovered a byproduct of writing is an increase in self-assurance. So, this is my story. This acquired knowledge I pass to you. And if writing your feelings doesn’t float your boat, well, do— like my grandson—draw a picture!