Regifting

It’s to that time of year where I must begin thinking about buying people gifts. As always, I’m dreading it. Gift-buying feels like amateur mind-reading. I stand in the jewelry store, the boutique, the mall, and I think, “What would she like? What’s something she doesn’t have that she doesn’t know she’ll enjoy until she has it?” I get nothing. All I can think of is what she does have. Feeling like a pre-failure, I become philosophical. “She wants peace-of-mind and self-acceptance. You can’t find that at the mall.” Soon I’m thinking of new essay ideas, which while necessary in general is not helpful at the moment.

The trouble is, over the years I’ve received some great gifts. I unwrap the watch, the coat, the book, and it’s like she recognized something about me I hadn’t yet noticed, and the gift is going to help me embrace it. As much as I’m enjoying my new present, I’m fairly certain that whatever I got her will be returned. I resolve to do better next year. I’ll pay attention when she mentions the shoes or bauble she likes but won’t let herself buy. Maybe I’ll write them down.

I don’t. Once all the gift-exchanging is over I’m relieved I can get on with my life. Though, that life always involves stories, and I’ve come to understand stories as gifts. I used to wonder what the stories would give me – success, money, attention, approval. The more I wanted from them, the less the stories gave me. Now, I begin a story asking myself, “What’s the best thing I could give another person?” I may not know this other person, but I figure they’re like me in that they want to feel good all the time even though they often don’t.

That’s a great starting place, and if I can leave the reader feeling better at the end of a story than at the beginning, then that’s a gift. Of course, I’m never there when they unwrap it, and I don’t get many thank you notes. That’s okay. To give the gift of a story I had to receive it first. It’s the discovery, the surprise, that I appreciate the most. Why, this was just the story I needed today, though I didn’t know that until I told it. How thoughtful, how generous, and how eager we are left to tell another.

If you like the ideas and perspectives expressed here, feel free to contact me about individual coaching and group workshops.

Fearless Writing: How to Create Boldly and Write With Confidence.
You can find William at: williamkenower.com