Teasing Out Ideas

As a boy and young man, I hated to be teased. A girlfriend tried doing it once and I told her, in essence, no teasing allowed. She was appalled. She thought I was tougher than that. I was not. I felt exposed, the ribbing pointing out some error I had made, or a moment when I had taken myself too seriously. In my mind, it was as if the teaser was saying, “Look at your flaws! Aren’t they hilarious?” They were not hilarious; they were an embarrassment.

Working in restaurants for about twenty years cured me of that sensitivity. The teasing seemed relentless, merciless, as common as saying hello to your crew mates at the start of a shift. It took a few years, but I eventually learned to agree with whoever teased me. Yes, I had misspoken; yes; I had whined; yes, I had been a little full of myself.

It was a relief. I had wanted all my words and deeds to be a reflection of my best, truest self, but life happens quickly, and sometimes the momentum of it has me spitting out stuff I immediately want back. In this way, the teasing taught me the difference between what I did and said and who I actually was. In fact, I came to see it as a form of affection, a way for a friend to point out that difference. Now I understood what people found hilarious: it wasn’t me, it was all the odd ideas people, including me, have about what matters, and what is worth getting upset about.

It’s a good lesson for a writer. I’ve learned I can’t write and be upset. I might write about an upsetting time, but I must be at peace while I do so. This practice of sitting down every day and writing peacefully about upsetting events and ideas does, however, come with an unintended consequence. At the end of the work day, I am sometimes left wondering what exactly I should be upset about? Sometimes, the only thing that truly worries me is that I’ll have no stories left to tell. Now, that would be upsetting – though, come to think of it, probably something worth writing about.

If you like the ideas and perspectives expressed here, feel free to contact me about individual coaching and group workshops.

Fearless Writing: How to Create Boldly and Write With Confidence.
You can find William at: williamkenower.com