New Normal

I had just gotten off the phone with a conference call from an editor at Penguin. I’d never been on a conference call with an editor. I thought I’d be nervous but I just had fun, which is the best way to sell something. I’d also never sold a book to a Big Five publisher. Now, according to my agent, that seemed likely to happen. I was bubbling with energy and decided to go for a walk.

Out I went, following the same route I took for all my walks, though this one seemed immediately different. I felt light, lighter than I could remember feeling in many years. Like most weights, I did not realize I’d been carrying this one until I dropped it. It was the weight of believing that whatever I did it wasn’t enough until I’d sold a book to a big New York publisher. Now, I’d done it. Hoorah.

Fortunately, I’d been at this writing thing for a long time, and lately I’d been writing mostly about success and failure, rejection and acceptance. As good as I felt, I knew it was a kind of illusion, as if I’d spent the last twenty years holding my breath and only now allowed myself to exhale.

“This has got nothing to do with the book,” I told myself. “If you make it about the book, you’ll find another reason to pick up that same weight. You’ll call it your sales, or your Amazon ranking, or your advance. This, how you’re feeling right now, is and always could have been normal.”

Goals are helpful, serving as a point of focus for my attention. Until, that is, I forget I was the one who chose that goal, and it becomes something without which my life is incomplete. Heading home from my walk, I could already feel myself wanting to pick a new goal, a new exciting destination, a new reason to get up in the morning. I didn’t know if this temptation would be with me forever, but I did know I was walking toward the only destination I’d ever needed.

If you like the ideas and perspectives expressed here, feel free to contact me about individual coaching and group workshops.

Fearless Writing: How to Create Boldly and Write With Confidence.
You can find William at: williamkenower.com