What I Learnt About Writing from my Camper

It’s not even about the absence of the Internet service, solitude, or lack of distractions. Neither simply about the time, I can measure in sunsets instead of hours.

My old van is small but it can fit lots of stories.

She holds only the bare necessities. I include books in that category. I carry three boxes of books in the storage compartment underneath the foldable bed. I laugh that my fearless Dragonfly makes the biggest library that has ever roamed these dirt roads.

Inside, I scale down, but right outside my doors stretches the endless open space. Cooking one-pot meals on a single hob, in a cubicle which is my kitchen, living room, bathroom, and bedroom at once, I am learning to cut down on what’s not essential. Including in my writing. I keep crossing off objects from my list of things to bring on a trip, and metaphors from my new poem.

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Unshakeable Me: Scaring Myself Awake in the Middle of the Night

I’ve had numerous middle-of-the-night scares recently, some sparked by medical type issues and symptoms, and some not. Between the physical experiences and my mental/emotional reactions to them, I felt like both a building being shaken by an earthquake and the earthquake itself – a system on overload. And though doctors have been employed and tests run, this story is not so much about medical conditions, it’s about the mental and emotional climate that can bring a person to her knees – but for a good reason.

When I awaken in the middle of the night, distressed to any degree, it’s a result of having left myself during the day. I may have abandoned myself to diagnoses, car problems, a work project, or a lost loved one, object, or position. Essentially, I may have been consumed by thoughts of vulnerability, victimhood, or loss. My energy and attention became absorbed in my reaction to something - even perhaps to a concept I hold of myself that is also not me. And being lost to myself feels unsafe, which wakes me just as an alarm would.

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6 Words Every Writer Should Avoid

As a writing coach, I often hear my clients utter specific reasons why they cannot write. These particular reasons, focused around six words, keep writers stuck behind emotional blocks. But we can work through those blocks and find new ways to craft our words. By moving toward our writing goals, avoiding these six words.

What If

The first two words, “What if” are statements based on fear.

“What if I get a contract and I can’t meet the deadlines?”

“What if I work on this article or book and I get rejected?”

“What if I have only one book in me? Is it worth it?”

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Why I’ll Never Tell Anyone They Can’t Write

I was in a writing class once in which the teacher decided to do a sentence-by-sentence critique of the first of page a student’s story. The teacher had gone so far as to get an overhead projector so she could display the page and her many, many edits of it in a billboard-sized font for all the class to see. The gist of this exercise, as far as I could tell, was that the story wasn’t working at all, but that with some serious line editing it could be resuscitated and given narrative life.

It was brutal. Not one sentence escaped her pen. Every edit came with an explanation for why this word was wrong or that phrase was unnecessary. I didn’t think the teacher was being unkind, but she did seem to be making a bit of an example of the student’s story: This is how not to write. The lesson, after all, was really not about the student’s story; it was about her sentences, her awkward, graceless, inexact sentences.

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Overcoming My Fear of Rejection

Overcoming my Fear of Rejection

Rejection is never easy. Whether it’s a form rejection, or a sincere message from the editor saying they enjoyed your work, but it narrowly missed out, it doesn’t make it any easier. Here’s how I overcame my fear of rejection, and it might help you change the way you think about it too.

I Accepted it Will Happen

It’s difficult to think the piece of writing you’re so proud of can be rejected by someone who “doesn’t get it.” It’s important not to get defensive about it. These are the people who decide which work gets published, so their opinion counts for anyone who wants their work accepted. They are people too, and may have missed your point, but it’s also possible that whatever you were trying to get across wasn’t as clear as you thought. Either way, arguing with them will only result in losing the opportunity to send more work for their consideration.

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Fix or Figure it Out: Using the Goodness of Life

The other day I was in the grocery store, and when the cashier finished scanning my groceries, I handed him my store “rewards” card – which provides discounts and other benefits – and he scanned it. Not a minute later, when I presented my coupons, he asked if I had a card. Offhandedly, I said, “I just showed it to you. Don’t you remember?” He didn’t say anything and we continued, but by the time we were done, the dynamic was cool despite me trying to make it friendly. As I was leaving, what I’d said came back to me.

The best time to apologize had passed, and I wasn’t sure how to make the situation better; he was busy and onto the next customer. I perseverated over this on the way home, and concluded I didn’t know how to fix it. My cashier’s name was Edgar, and later, while getting ready to work, I took a blank index card and wrote EDGAR on it and laid it on my desk. I didn’t know why.

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Call Me By My Name—Or Not

When my writing goes out into the world, I want my name emblazoned on it for all to see. Except for the two times I didn’t.

Real name, pen name, which byline option is right for you? Authors might opt for a pseudonym if they:

  • Prefer a barrier between their publishing and private lives.

  • Want to shield someone else from the fallout of their writing.

  • Need to cordon off their writing from their other professional endeavors.

  • Write in a genre typically associated with a gender that is not their own.

  • Have established certain expectations in their readers but want to try Something Completely Different.

  • Have a name they believe is too difficult to spell or pronounce, or that is identical or confusingly similar to someone who is already famous or infamous.

  • Don’t like the name given to them at birth or acquired by marriage.

Examples of literary name changes are as varied as their reasons.

I don’t have enough fingers to count the times I’ve been asked if writing was therapy. I have a therapist for that, and I wouldn’t use my friends, family, or the Internet for that purpose. But writing does help me make sense of the world. The act of getting thoughts out of our heads creates both a closeness and a distance that allows us space to heal.

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How to Create a Problem and How to Undo It: The End of Chasing Answers

There is a video depicting a twelve-year-old girl suffering from a “Habit Cough” – a chronic condition in which the patient has an illness that involves coughing, but once the illness goes away the cough persists. For this young girl, her coughing was so constant she had to stop going to school. The video shows her working with a doctor using Suggestion Therapy. He explains there is no physiological reason for the cough – it’s more of an automatic response or reaction. He teaches her how to take control of the cough by showing her she can resist it for a few minutes at first, and then walking her through adding a minute at a time. She is to take deep, slow breaths and sip water when the impulse to cough comes. He tells her she has to concentrate; it’s the only way for her to gain control.

The girl inadvertently created a problem by habitually reacting to a feeling (in her throat). In our day-to-day lives, our reactions to things can create the same kind of effect and the same similar oppressive patterns that keep us feeling stuck. The areas in which we feel out of control have to do with us habitually reacting to our feelings, which is not the same as allowing ourselves to feel them.

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Why Do I Write Like I'm Running Out of Time?

On the day the dental specialist told me I had cancer, I started a blog. It was the only response that made any sense to me – to put down words, to document it all. It was the easiest way to keep everyone updated, but more importantly, it felt like the only way I could take control of my own narrative. It was my opportunity to show people how to approach my illness: with honesty, compassion, and humour.

I don’t have enough fingers to count the times I’ve been asked if writing was therapy. I have a therapist for that, and I wouldn’t use my friends, family, or the Internet for that purpose. But writing does help me make sense of the world. The act of getting thoughts out of our heads creates both a closeness and a distance that allows us space to heal.

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What You Don’t Know Can’t Hurt You

I was in Eugene to give a talk several years ago when I came as close as I have ever come to experiencing stage fright. I was still new to the kind of hour-long talks authors are invited to give. As a young man, I had done a fair amount of theater, so I was comfortable enough on the stage – but it is one thing to memorize your lines and blocking, and another thing to more or less wing it alone at a podium. I never script my talks; in fact I barely follow an outline. I knew from the first time I gave a talk that the more improvisational I could be, the better.

However, on this night, as I waited off stage and listened to my introduction, an insidious thought crept into my head. “What if you have nothing to say? What if you get up there, in front of all those people, and simply have nothing to say?” I began picturing myself mute at the microphone, struck dumb by a form of public writer’s block. My heart began to pound. There is a reason comedians say they “died” when they have a bad night. To stand in that spotlight, my silence a testament to my fraudulence, was as unimaginably intolerable to me as death. I had to do something. I had to save my life. And so I said to myself, “Think of something. Think of something to say right now!”

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Writing About Tough Times

The first time I sat down to write about my experiences as an expat in Cambodia and the circumstances surrounding my departure from the country, paralysis struck. Suddenly I was wading through memories. I searched for one to jot down that could encapsulate how I’d felt at home in the town of Siem Reap, or how painful it was to need to leave in search of first-world healthcare. Part of writing personal essays or memoir is putting myself mentally back in a particular scene, viscerally remembering all that I had noticed in it so I can choose which details to write about. This time I appeared on street 26, where my German boyfriend’s hostel stood among the banana palms. The dusty red road covered in a mess of traffic came to life, as did the tendrils of jungle that crept toward that traffic, as if the infrastructure of the city were only a temporary obstacle for the tangle of green to overcome. I heard the cries of tuk-tuk la-dyyy from the drivers that lined street, saw the floral pajama sets that the local women wore, smelled the burning trash and incense. Something powerful welled up in my chest, choking me with a former reality that was now intangible. I backed away from my computer, wrapped in a shroud of memory. My mind raced toward the moment I’d gone swimming in a flooded rice paddy and developed an E. Coli sinus infection, and the months of pain, fatigue, IV antibiotics, and hospital visits that followed. Memories passed through me like a ghost, so I turned on a sit-com and distracted myself with it for the next few hours. It was too soon to revisit that tender place in my mind.

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Unbroken and Appropriate: Cultivating the Self-Compassion to Do Our Work

When my son was about two-and-a-half, I was sitting on the couch reading a Winnie the Pooh board book to him when he fell down on the floor and made a number of peculiar movements. I didn’t know what was happening. He was late to talking, so wasn’t able to communicate all that clearly yet. Within moments, I realized he was just acting out the story. But until I connected those dots, I couldn’t understand what was happening and his behavior seemed weird and worrisome. That behavior was completely appropriate, but I didn’t see it that way until I understood the premise from which he was acting.

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Tips for the Writing Journey

My rights have been returned!

Wait a minute. The rights for two books I signed over to the publishing company. The rights they accepted. Now, they were returning them? What exactly did that mean? That my two books would no longer be available? What about the separate year-long journeys of edits and re-edits I made? And what about all the time I had invested in writing them? And who could forget the waiting game I played—on editorial suggestions, on design, on production. Then came the day when I finally held a copy of each book, along with the excitement that I had written what lay inside the covers. Now, it was all over.

I emailed my executive editor, who was a successful novelist, writing coach, and inspirational article writer. Also, a friend. I needed comfort … reassurance. Was I finished as a writer?

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ENVY: or The Greasy Green Perils of the Writing Life

I recently published my seventh book and first collection of short stories, THE MAN WHO LOVED HIS WIFE. It's both my best book and my worst launch. That's because there was no launch. My indie publisher, Mayapple Press, has plenty of grit and commitment, but only enough pennies in the publicity budget to afford to put my book on their website.

A few weeks before my own non-launch, a friend from grad school published her second novel with a Big Five house. It was promptly reviewed in The New York Times Book Review and elsewhere. As bad as that was, it was nothing compared to googling her stats and finding that she had some 744 reviews on Goodreads--compared to my six.

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Our Path: Getting Over Obstacles, Resistance, and Retreat

When I worked at a daycare years ago, there was a five-year-old boy there named Phil. Slender and taller, with light blond hair and white, somewhat pasty skin, he often looked as though he’d been torn from bed only moments before arriving. Even while we were talking, I felt like I should be careful not to wake him. Phil seemed exhausted – if not by lack of sleep, then by lack of interest and the intrusion of the unwanted, bustling outer world. He often arrived in a worn t-shirt, pajama bottoms, and tall, black rubber boots, and would soon disappear into one of the play structures and remain there for, it seemed, as long as possible.

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Trying to Get: Giving Ourselves What We Need and Already Have

When I was twenty-one, freshly graduated from college, I was offered an internship at a small publishing house in San Diego, whose unique children’s books I greatly admired. I’d written a novel for children and studied visual art and was thinking this was a logical step that might lead to a job. They accepted my proposal and I drove to San Diego, rented a studio apartment, and stayed for three months. But overall, I wasn’t happy. I’d strategized to try and get something, but wasn’t really there for the actual experience; I was there for the future security I thought I should try to get. But in striving to connect the dots to a job, I had failed to connect me as well and was strangely absent from the picture.

After the internship, I returned to Seattle, distressed about what kind of work to pursue. Eventually, exhausted from doubting myself and trying to figure out my life, on an impulse, I interviewed for part-time work at a daycare. As I approached the large room filled with 30-40 four and five year-olds, a little girl named Ella stood before me wearing a dress and a long strand of large beads, her straight brown hair cut short and blunt with bangs. She greeted me as though she were the prime minister of a small but dignified country and took me in. Ella had much to say and I was interested. As I sat across from her and her friends, without trying to get anything, I discovered both a new world to love and more of myself.

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The Power of Asking

It was the day of the Aurora Awards in Vancouver, and Spider Robinson, science fiction grandmaster and author of The Callihan Series, was at the front desk of the hotel where the convention was taking place, asking directions on how to get to Granville. Seeing him there, I had a window of opportunity. I do a podcast called Just Joshing in which I interview authors and other creative people, and here was a living legend in front of me. I looked at myself in the mirror and shrugged, “The worst he can say is no.” I asked Spider Robinson to come on my show. Not only did I get a yes, but he gave me his email and his phone number so I could contact him.

Our conversation was epic. Spider is a man who has lived a very magical life, and it was inspiring listening to him talk about the White House, completing that Robert Heinlein manuscript, and mourning his wife Jeanne. In that conversation, I got a glimpse of the man behind the legend, and I’ll never forget it for as long as I live.

A lot of my success has come from asking. Whether I ask a guest to come on my show, or submit a pitch to an editor, or request a meeting with an agent, there is power with coming out there and asking for what you want. It's something I realize that neither writers nor editors do enough of. Why don't we? When I ask fellow creatives about this, eyes look downward and people get nervous when they answer me. Rejection is a difficult pill to swallow with even the simplest requests.

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Unstuck: Keeping Up With the Speed of Life

Our cat Olive died the other day. I had to take a moment to remember we’d had nine years with her; the time had gone by in a flash. Mixed with my current experience of her death is memory of her rolling on the sidewalk, times petting her, all those moments she ran to greet me, and the first time we met. It’s all one. Life moves and keeps moving, swallowing itself as it goes.

Though I felt sad that Olive’s physical self was no longer present, something also left me feeling she wasn’t so much gone as on the go. I think there’s movement in death, just like in life. And death is part of the movement of life. In life, when we keep up with the creative energy within us and where it wants to go next, we feel fulfilled and fully ourselves, leaving behind old forms as we go. Olive was onto the next thing and, perhaps, just keeping up with life. This thought was followed by a strong impulse and desire in me to keep up with my own life better, because these days I’ve been feeling a little out of step with myself.

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What Are the Odds?

Because I want to improve my craft, I join organizations for writers. One such group, Triangle Area Freelancers, meets monthly. Like everything else during the pandemic years of isolation, these formerly in-person meetings are now relegated to internet gatherings via Zoom. Added to the regular get-togethers were Zooms with well-known authors, organized by our TAF founder, Donald Vaughan. Recently, the featured talk was by Sean Flynn, an acclaimed journalist who’s written for Esquire and GQ; he often reports harrowing stories like that of the boys trapped in a flooding cave in Thailand.

Sean Flynn has written a non-fiction book about peacocks that is also about the meaning of life, serving as a memoir in addition to being a celebration of this enchanting bird.

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What Does Freedom Feel Like? Unconditional Permission to Live

When I was in high school, as Friday’s classes came to an end and I stepped out of the building to get on the bus that would take me home, I almost always felt free. Friday afternoons, beginning the moment school was out, was the lightest time. All heaviness lifted off me and my mind was close to completely unburdened. I’d been to school but now I was on the other side of that story; I’d crossed the bridge and had, in my possession, two unspent days ahead, two days in the bank, to do with as I pleased.

Those Friday hours were like a bonus – once spent, I still had Saturday. And it was okay to spend Saturday because I still had Sunday. But once Sunday arrived, the feeling of freedom had dwindled almost entirely in anticipation of Monday. There’s no difference technically between Saturday’s and Sunday’s unscheduled hours, but I no longer felt free – because how we feel depends upon our focus and frame of mind.

Early on I came to equate the relief of not having to do anything with freedom, but later discovered this makes for an incomplete equation. Not having to do anything is like not having to spend what we have, which can feel like relief, but there is more freedom in investment. When we invest, we pour fuel into the plane so it can soar. This is what we’re doing when we work on things we love. But even during the final stages of a beloved project, my mind can fill with projections and judgments and those thoughts can spark worry, which feels heavy. Once the project is completed, often a “lifting” occurs and I feel freed, not because the work has ended, but because the worrisome mind activity about the work has ceased.

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